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Leave(ing) and Blossom(ing)

October 11, 2011

This morning, I made the rounds into the different houses and barns. Feed the egg-layin’ ladies; check. Extract any feathers and dirt they’ve deposited in their waterer; check. Collect eggs; check. Admire the five little chicks who have now grown into their place in the flock, Josefina’s bright orange feet, Joli’s flighty, adventurous spirit; check. Feed the meat chickens, the hens and the roosters separately; check. Similarly, clean out water; check. Walk out to the llamas in the field and call them into the barn, and watch as they figure out where each one belongs to eat; check. Check, check, check. Yet, something is different today, as it was yesterday. Today, I am no longer a commuting professional who drives three hours a day to her job in a museum. Today, I am just me. I am just here.

 

I made the decision to leave my job a couple of weeks ago, finishing last Thursday, October 6th, and now I find myself here, leaving one place, coming into another, embracing the insecurity of the unknown. I finally had to admit that a girl can’t have it all. She can’t have a job and a farm with lots of animal ventures and a thriving career as a thrift store volunteer and be an integral part of an awesome Mennonite community and learn the ways of the land and the garden and work as an artist. Ce n’est pas possible––at least not with a three hour a day commute. So the commute had to go. Gone, flying out the back of my Vdub window on my last trip over Afton Mountain to get back to the Shenandoah Valley and the sleepy little town of Edinburg.

 

 

Upon leaving one place, I am coming into another place, for sure. We all do, throughout our lives, throughout the ebb and flow of careers, of relationships, of children, of homes, of realities and beliefs and passions. And although right now the fog has settled on my mind, unsure of which direction to turn, of where to invest myself fully, choosing this place is one that I hope will blossom like a lily in ways more beautiful than my finite imagination might conceive. When I woke up last Friday, I thought to myself, look around, embrace where you are. This is what I saw, out my window…

 

 

Beautiful, non? the screen creates this world on top of a world, a lens through which one might see the outside. Yet it is in the in-between, in the fall dew on the screen that my heart rests. It is in the moisture that will pass away, giving way to the sun, it is in the scratches and the lines that blur and yet clarify what is beyond it. There’s a whole world out there, and worlds within worlds within worlds. Right now, mine are a group of little chicks, a dog named Wile, and a husband who loves the land. It’s time to embrace that reality. Bon courage, dit-elle.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. carly permalink
    October 11, 2011 3:32 pm

    Let the world chase itself and call your great love a little thing
    But as for me, I will behold your face in righteousness
    When I awake, I’ll be satisfied
    With your likeness
    With your likeness

    May he satisfy the desires of your heart, heal your land, and restore your soul dear friend

  2. October 12, 2011 6:52 am

    Beautifully written. You wanted to be close to the land and close to nature in a spiritual way.
    That part of your desires can now be fulfilled. Just let it happen. The key is to be quiet and OBSERVE.
    God gives us what we want. Just not in the order we want it. I know for a fact that the following is true. Often, people say that loosing their job was the best thing that ever happened because they received a better job. HE WORKS IN STRANGE WAYS.

  3. October 12, 2011 5:08 pm

    Bon courage!
    Go for it!
    You’ve got it!
    It’s yours!
    Congrats and all the best.

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